Escape From Central Park

It is true that I can get myself all over the world without a map, but put me in Central Park and I cannot seem to get out. In, Yes, out, No. Today, I was again reminded of that fact as I went searching for an illusive hot air balloon. Yup, that was today's big quest. Now most people inform themselves by reading the newspaper. I on the other hand see things or hear about things and then stumble about trying to locate them. So imagine trying to track down a balloon that lowered itself into a circle of trees just as you thought you knew where it was. Yeah, real funny. I know I could have asked, but it was one of the places in the park that I only see at night, so I wanted to see if daylight helped me at all.

I used to short cut through the park at night and end up in many areas that have snotty, proper names that New Yorkers use like weapons against the newbies. That fact brought me to give them realistic user friendly names: strange bog area, fake Paris area, park benches and lots of concrete area, performance area where nothing happens, and area where "raccoons jump out of bushes and scare the hell out of you", oh and we must not forget "smelly area" that is just too darned organic for its own good. Those would be my Central Park map labels. I am considering making a map with printed warnings like..."creepy dark path surrounded by trees like the ones that throw apples in the Wizard of Oz," and "area where paths take you in circles for nothing," then maybe have the police patrol zone marked as well to aid any others who really are just trying to get out of the park past closing hours. Yes, there must be others who thought they had enough time to get out of the park before curfew, but then ended up on "winding path from hell" and then on the wrong side of "the lake that seems bigger when you are just trying to get around it," and now here we are facing getting arrested, or worse, being made fun of by NYPD. I might choose the arrest. Oh by the way the balloon is in Cherry Hill or something like that. I still prefer to call it "smelly swamp area next to the vendor who never, ever has coconut ice."